Dear Reason, Losing you was nothing I could have ever been prepared for and here I am nearly 6 months without you and still not ready to move on. I’ll never be ready to move on. This life will never be okay with out your smile or the laugh I never got to hear. […]Read more "Mothers day letter to Reason"
Today was a bad Reason day. I turn 23 in one week and my daughter never got to celebrate a birthday… A day I was always excited about has lost its luster, how can I have 23 birthdays when she had none. It’s not fair and I hate it. When I woke up this […]Read more "143 (I love you)"
I know it’s been a bit since I posted but honestly life has been hectic and evolving lately. Frank and I married on the 21st of March, the first day of spring, a time for new beginnings. Our ceremony was beautiful and every part of it honored Reason and her memory. The flower for […]Read more "A Reason to Celebrate"
I’ve aged so much since Reason’s death. I don’t feel like a twenty-two year old; that catchy Taylor Swift beat doesn’t resonate with me. I feel ancient, I have knowledge I shouldn’t. I have knowlege no one should have. No one should know what it feels like to lose a child, no one should […]Read more "Not Feeling Twenty-two"
Missing you is a clenched fist in my stomach. It’s a tighness that pulls at my heart and crumples me into a ball, fetal position head in hands. Missing you is waiting for the spring in Antarctica. It’s an endless winter in my heart, it doesn’t snow, just freezes over, when I try […]Read more "Waiting for Spring in Antarctica"
In a lot of ways three months is harder than the first few days. In the first few days I had people who were there for me and who promised they would be there as long as I needed them. They were liars. The people I had known all of my life abandoned me […]Read more "I’m not sorry"
Before my daughter died, I took a bath every other day, now I don’t remember the last time I showered. Before my daughter died I knew who I was now I don’t have any idea. Before my daughter died I thought I was a good mother now I feel like a failure. Before my […]Read more "Before my daughter died"