Still not making it

      I’ve been neglecting my blog since October. It’s not that I’ve had nothing worth writing about or I’m missing my daughter any less. I guess it’s shame that nearly 14 months later things haven’t been getting better at all. I lost my job, a job I wasn’t proud of having in the first place. I was a dishwasher for 7 months and got “laid off” through a text message. Fired from washing dishes…     
       My husband has been struggling to find more than odd jobs since we moved to Florida and right now at this moment we’re both sick which makes finding work an even bigger challenge. It’s beginning to feel like no matter what we do we are destined to fail. There is no hope just waiting for things to get even worse.
     I flew home to Kansas for Christmas and it was nice for a week to see our friends and family. I had hoped that maybe going back to Kansas alone would give me some sort of perspective or idea about how to make our lives worth while but so far I think it was in vain. I haven’t gotten called back by either of the jobs I interviewed for in December and right now I’m to sick to get more applications. We’re still living in a a camper and we’re no closer to being able to bring another child into this world. I’ve actually been told by someone that they pray we never have another child.
     I think all the time about how different things would be if Reason hadn’t died. How much better our lives would be. How much happiness we would have but instead we have this. This life I never wanted in this world without our daughter. All the time I get told to move on and forget about it. Stop living in the past. They don’t know my  daughter isn’t something to move on from. She’s still my life. The only good this world has ever given me, I just wish it hadn’t been so cruel as to take her away.


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