The season I most associate with Reason is autumn. She was conceived in the fall and she died in the fall. We had amazing memories from those autumn months but they ended so terribly and I know I should focus on our good days and the amazing times we had together and all that we experienced as a family. This entire season has me feeling so down, it’s brought me to such a dark place back to when she died.
Everything about this season makes me think of her. Halloween decorations, pumpkins, beyond anything else, she loved pumpkins. It’s such a silly thing for a baby to love but she did. Orange is the color that makes me think of her and fall is so orange. This season is so hard.
I guess we’re supposed to talk about symbols as well and there are a lot of symbols that represent my daughter. Butterflies and dragonflies but more than that, ducks and pumpkins are actually closer to my heart because they aren’t the typical everyday signs. They’re mine for her special. Superman is the superhero that makes me think of her the most because she was my supergirl she rescued me. The moon and stars, hold so much more pull on my heart, they represent the unknown where her spirit dwells, where I can’t go, the place that’s out of reach to me.