Capture Your Grief, day 12 wants you to talk about the things we do in our grief that may seem a little strange or outside the realm of normal. I do a lot of things I didn’t do before my daughter died.
I read books to her ashes which many people might find disturbing or peculiar. It’s one of the ways I stay connected to Reason, I read to her everyday of her life. Sometimes, I go for drives and intentionally listen to songs that make me cry. I barely sleep at night anymore and I’m constantly waking up my husband and pets because I’m certain they have stopped breathing in their sleep. I sleep until 10 or 11 in the morning because I still have no desire to face the day. This year I won’t be dressing up for Halloween, I’ll eat a thanksgiving meal but I’m pretty sure Christmas will pass by without fanfare. Whenever, I go to Wal-Mart as a matter of fact, I think about smashing all the holiday stuff, I’ve lost my holiday cheer. I cry spontaneously and sometimes I’m so down I don’t feel like engaging the world at all. I search for signs in everything, and I worry all the time about the future and whether there is anything to look forward to. I used to love fall and the changing seasons but now I really don’t. I read about the death of infants and children all the time.
That’s a glimpse of my grief. I know there are many things I’m forgetting but for now, I think it’s enough.
.I like to think she sends me signs.