Today The Capture Your Grief project wants us to share a memory of our child. Memories are easy, I have so many amazing memories of my baby girl. Some of my favorite pictures we’re taken in October. My mom cut open a pumpkin and we took Reasons diaper off and put her inside the pumpkin for an impromptu photo shoot. We never got a chance to do professional pictures but the pumpkin shots came out great.
Reason was growing up to be a real “basic white girl” she adored pumpkins. I’d never seen anyone get as excited about a pumpkin as she did. Her grandma went to the pumpkin patch and brought her home one since she was too sick to be going out the day they went.
She wouldn’t stop showing off her prize and her smile was contagious. She was so proud of that pumpkin. I hate that I can’t enjoy the fall without her when last year was so full of wonderful memories.
I’m still tormented with bad memories. Mostly involving her sickness and the fact that she never recovered from it. It’s hard to not blame myself even though I did all I could. I hate that the doctors all told me she would be fine and she wasn’t. That it was no big deal when it ended up being listed on her death certificate. The good memories out number the bad, I had more days of smiles with her than anything else and I wish I could only think about the good days.
I miss her so much. The way she explored when I gave her baby food the first time was so great. She was so smart and fascinated with the spoon and figuring out how to use it. My daughter made me proud everyday of her short life and I will never forget the joy that she brought into the lives of everyone who met her.