Day 4 of The Capture Your Grief Project explores the theme of Dark and Light. It can be very hard to find anything about grief to consider “light”, the darkness tries so hard to consume you. I know I’m progressing in my grief journey when I look back at my darkest times and felt like the only option I had for happiness was leaving this world. I had a lot of those moments, more than I’d like to admit. I’ve been angry, I’ve been angry a lot and I’ve felt deeper pain than I thought could be handled. All the time people tell me they wouldn’t be able to live through what I have; they don’t know how close I’ve come to not making it, more than a few times. I guess what I’m saying is there’s a lot of darkness in grief. You think that there is nothing left to look forward to in this life, you’re wrong.
I’m not gonna say that the pain goes away because it doesn’t. You will have dark days for the rest of your life, sometimes they will sneak up on you and other times you’ll see them coming. The secret to surviving them is to just accept them. Don’t fight your grief because it will win. Feel sad when you need to feel sad and let happiness in when it knocks. Don’t feel guilty for your smiles or the days your don’t cry. Your child will always be on your mind but eventually you don’t feel sad every time you hear their name.
The more you talk about your baby to friends, to strangers, to family the easier it gets. Yeah, it might make people feel uncomfortable but honestly, I talk to everyone I meet about Reason and I don’t feel bad at all for it. She’s the most important person in my life and anyone who doesn’t care to know her isn’t worth my time. That’s what heals me. Embracing my daughter’s life and death is the only way I’ve been able to get this far.
In regards to light, sometimes you have to make your own. I did. After I heard that over 90% of couples split up after the loss of a child: I made the decision to not let that happen and I married her father. It was one of the happiest days of my life and it came 4 months after we lost our daughter. We planned originally to get married when Reason would be old enough to be the flower girl, when we knew that would never happen it only made sense to get married anyhow. My husband is my rock and I’m his. Apart, we would have ended up stuck in the darkness but together we are able to let in the light. I’m not saying we don’t still have dark days but now we can look ahead and see there is life after loss.
#captureyourgrief #whathealsyou #light&dark