It’s day 2 of the Capture Your Grief Project and today the theme is intention. Specifically setting a new intention for yourself on your grief journey. All day I’ve tried to think of an intention for myself and it hasn’t been easy, so I took a short walk around the block, breathed in the evening air and simply looked around at the world around me and as I walked I looked down and saw the simple beauty of of the world in the little flowers still in bloom. That’s when my intention came to me.
I intend to live life in this moment and not destroy myself with the concerns of what may or may not come, I will embrace the ordinary beauty of the world around me in honor of my daughter Reason Rayne Hannum.
I spend so much of my time worrying myself to death over when I’ll have another child or when we’ll find a better place to live or the million other things that aren’t going right in this life, I forget to see that not everything is bad and what we have right now might be exactly what we need. Sometimes, it’s alright to have just enough, to just get by, to embrace the life we have and embrace and reflect on what we have lost without adding the pressure of more.
My biggest struggle comes from overwhelming myself with thoughts of the future. I need to just breathe and live in the moment I have know. I need to love my husband and remember my daughter, focus on healing, focus on grieving for this loss; especially now and her death day approaches. I need to accept that It’s okay that I haven’t gotten my life back together yet. I need to be patient with myself and my husband. I need for other people to do that for us as well. This is still hard and it will take as much time as it needs. The less pressure we have the easier it will be for us to find that place of healing. We need to rebuild our foundation before we’re ready for any additions.