The worst thing happened during the best year

     Believe it or not, 2014 wasn’t the worst year of my life. For the first 10 months it was amazing. Those 143 days I had with my daughter were beyond anything I could imagine. For just a little bit my life was perfect. 2014 was very nearly the best year of my life. When I look back on the year we just finished it’s very bittersweet.
     It’s full of beautiful memories and tragedy, it’s the year of my daughter’s birth and her death. It was a year of beginnings and ends. It was a year of learning and growing, a
year of success and failure. It wasn’t the worst or best year of my life, it was however the most important.
     I met the love of my life, a little girl more beautiful that I had imagined. I spent everyday that I had with her falling in love over and over again. I spent my days completely struck by her perfection, I would give anything for that to be how I spent the rest of my life. Everyday with her was full of love and learning and it was everything I ever wanted.
    There was too much good in 2014 and there was too much bad. There are years of my life I wish I could forget but this wasn’t one of them. I want every amazing memory that this year gave me to stay alive and that means the terrible memories will live on to. I can’t ever seem to have the good without the bad. My life is the perfect example of ying and yang. The dark can’t exist without the light and with all the dark we are currently facing light can’t be too far away. I hope it’s not. I couldn’t stand for it to be.
     New Years Eve was much better than I had anticipated;  it gave me the hope I was in dire need of, and the knowledge that happiness, even temporary is possible. Frank and I had nothing but love and compassion. We made it over a week without much bickering at all. I know Reason would want us to be happy and being surrounded by positive influences that brought us joy had to have made her smile.
     I didn’t make a resolution but all I want for the New Year is to find peace and still be with the man I love at the end of it. I want 2015 to be uneventful and forgettable. I want to feel and work through all of the emotions that I have and make progress toward a better state of being.

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6 thoughts on “The worst thing happened during the best year

  1. I don’t have any trite words of comfort or hollow platitudes, but I just want to say, your blog is amazing and I so wish I could hug you and help you – take away some of your pain and grief by grieving with you, crying for you. You write so eloquently about your loss, I feel as though I knew your daughter. Your pain, love, anguish and joy all come though so vividly, I know these words will help other parents going through the same thing. I wish you love, peace, happiness, prosperity and beautiful memories in the New Year.

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  2. I don’t have any trite words of comfort or hollow platitudes, but I just want to say, your blog is amazing and I so wish I could hug you and help you – take away some of your pain and grief by grieving with you, crying for you. You write so eloquently about your loss, I feel as though I knew your daughter. Your pain, love, anguish and joy all come though so vividly, I know these words will help other parents going through the same thing. I wish you love, peace, happiness, prosperity and beautiful memories in the New Year.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words. I truly do hope my words can help others who have suffered a loss like mine. There are many dark days and I know there are still more to come but there are also good ones and someday I hope they out number the bad.

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  3. I love you so much. You are an s amazing woman. I am so proud of you and your growth ❤ took mean the world to me and i know your little ray of sunshine is smiling upon you for letting yourself be happy even if just for a moment. I am always just a phone or small road trip away.

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    1. I love you, too. Thank you so much for being such a great friend and opening your home to us. Thank you for dressing me up and making me feel beautiful. We had an amazing time visiting and we will be sure to do it again soon.

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