What we’ll never do

Sometimes, all that I can think about are the things we’ll never do together. I’ll never battle against your crazy curly hair with a straightner. We’ll never spend hours trying to find the right hair products for you. We’ll never argue about how long or short your hair should be, not even my middle school pictures would sway you, I bet. I’ll never help you pick just the right outfit for your first date or help you find the right balance between too much and too little make-up. I’ll never learn how to braid or do elaborate hair styles. I’ll never help you pick out your wedding dress. I’ll never get to pick up the pieces of your first broken heart, either.
      I’ll never get to play tooth fairy and see your reaction to that first baby tooth turning into money. I’ll never get to kiss your boo-boo’s from falling down while learning to walk. I’ll never know what your first word would have been. I’ll never get to hear your belly laugh. I’ll never know if you would have loved your christmas puppy, or know what your trying to say Chewbacca would sound like. I’ll never teach you how to swim. I’ll never know how well you would have taken to potty training. I’ll never know your favorite color, flower, season or animal.
       So many things were lost the night your heart stopped. I know one day I’ll be a mom again, but you were the baby girl I wanted my entire life, none of this will be the same with another child. I think about how your daddy never got to say, “What’s the reason for the rain, baby girl? I could already see you rolling your eyes as you got to be a teenager. Your “lame” dad, he misses you too, he’s just not the type to show it. I think about how embarrassed you would be when we went bra shopping for the first time, you would be so proud of those budding breasts. (Our family is a bit boob obsessed). I’ll never get to deal with raging horomones and you as a moody teen, you were supposed to be my payback… I wonder how many boys would try to woo you with The Reason by Hoobstank. I guess I’ll never know will I? There are no first crush talks, first tantrums, first puppies, no first steps, or first birthdays in our future together. We had all of our firsts and lasts within a 143 day span, not even five months old and our time together was cut. I hate all of the things we’ll never get to do together… I miss you. I love you. Come back to me. Please grow up with me like you were supposed to do.


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